I used to think I was just a regular guy, but . . .
I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist.
I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today’s standards, makes me a fascist.
I am heterosexual, which according to gay folks, now makes me a homophobic.
I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.
I am a Christian, which now labels me as an infidel.
I believe in the 2nd Amendment, which now makes me a gun nut.
I am older, which makes me a useless old man.
I think and I reason, therefore I doubt much that the main stream media tells me, which must make me a reactionary.
I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, which makes me a xenophobe.
I value my safety and that of my family and I appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist.
I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual’s merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.
I believe in the defense and protection of the homeland for and by all citizens, which now makes me a militant.
Recently, a SICK OLD BITCH called me and my friends a “basket of deplorables”.
Please help me come to terms with the new me . . . because I’m just not sure who I am anymore!
I would like to thank all my friends for sticking with me through these abrupt, new found changes in my life and my thinking!
I just can’t imagine or understand what’s happened to me so quickly!
Funny . . . it’s all just taken place over the last 7 or 8 years! As if all this crap wasn’t enough to deal with.
I’m now afraid to go into either restroom!
A Zen master visiting NYC approaches a hot dog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything.”
The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill.
The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it.
“Excuse me, but where’s my change?” asks the Zen master.
The vendor responds, “Change must come from within.”
A father buys a Lie Detector Robot that slaps you when you lie. All excited,he decides to test it out on his son at supper.
“Where were you last night?”, the father asks.
“I was at the library.” Robot slaps the son.
“OK I was at Jimmy’s house.”
“Doing what?” the father asks.
“Watching a movie…..Toy Story.” Robot slaps the son.
“OK it was porn!” cries the son.
Father yells “What? When I was your age I didn’t even know what porn was.”
Robot slaps the father.
The mother laughs, “He certainly is your son!”
Robot slaps the mother…..
The evolution of the mobile phone is an odd one.
We began with book-size handsets, minimized them to finger-sized, and then rejected that ‘less-is-more’ mentality for ever-larger screens…
So why did we suddenly shift from shrinkage to ‘size matters’?
The answer is simple…