Tag Archives: Joke

The Robot

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A father buys a Lie Detector Robot that slaps you when you lie. All excited,he decides to test it out on his son at supper.

“Where were you last  night?”, the father asks.

“I was at the library.” Robot slaps the son.

“OK I was at Jimmy’s house.”

“Doing what?” the father asks.

“Watching a movie…..Toy Story.”  Robot slaps the son.

“OK it was porn!” cries the son.

Father yells “What? When I was your age I didn’t even know what porn was.”

Robot slaps the father.

The mother laughs, “He certainly is your son!”

Robot slaps the mother…..

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Evolution Of The Mobile Phone Explained

The evolution of the mobile phone is an odd one.

We began with book-size handsets, minimized them to finger-sized, and then rejected that ‘less-is-more’ mentality for ever-larger screens…

https://www.zerohedge.com/sites/default/files/inline-images/2018-03-16_9-42-41.jpg?itok=eE_QdOQD

So why did we suddenly shift from shrinkage to ‘size matters’?

The answer is simple…

https://www.zerohedge.com/sites/default/files/inline-images/DYZ_BSbWsAAg7H9.jpg?itok=On5-ygHc

Source: The Burning Platform

The Blonde And The Rolls-Royce

https://whiskeytangotexas.files.wordpress.com/2018/03/74344-rolls.jpg?w=620&h=465

A blonde woman walks into a bank in New York City before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.

The banker asks, “Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?”


The woman says, “Yes, of course. I’ll use my Rolls Royce.”


The banker, stunned, asks, “A $250,000 Rolls Royce? Really?”


The woman is completely positive. She hands over the keys, as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her.


They check her credentials, make sure she is the title owner.


Everything checks out. They park it in their underground garage for two weeks.


When she comes back, she pays off the $5,000 loan as well as the $15.41 interest.


The loan officer says, “Miss, we are very appreciative of your business with us, but I have one question.


We looked you up and found out that you are a multi-millionaire. Why would you want to borrow $5,000?”


The woman replies, “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”

https://whiskeytangotexas.files.wordpress.com/2018/03/893d3-wood-framed2.jpg?w=625

Source: Wosterman

Old Geezer

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An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.

He put a sign up outside that said: “Dr. Geezer’s Clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000.”

Doctor “Young”, who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer’s Clinic.

Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me??”

Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr.Young’s mouth.” 
Dr Young: Aaagh!! — “This is Gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations!

You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Dr. Young: “Oh, no you don’t, — that is Gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

Dr. Young (after having lost $1,000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak — I can hardly see anything!!!!”

Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so,

“Here’s your $1,000 back.” (giving him a $10 bill)

Dr. Young: “But this is only $10 !”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”

Moral of story — Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an “old Geezer”

Remember: Don’t make old people mad.. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to tick us off.

ENJOY YOUR DAY !!

 

Please Stand Up …

 

The Flammarion engraving (1888) depicts a traveler who arrives at the edge of a flat Earth and sticks his head through the firament, by Camille Flammarion.

One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class. He stood up in front of the class and said, “Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?”

After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.

“Well, good morning. So, you actually think you’re a moron?” the professor asked.

The kid replied, “No sir, I just didn’t want to see you standing there all by yourself.”